"Spoken: Now people listen; A kiss is nothing divided by two.
Now you kiss an old maid once she'll scream out with delight;
you kiss her twice she'll set up all night;
you kiss her three times she'll holler for more;
Because she knows how the old thing works, she's been there before."
When a man falls in love with his little turtle dove
He will linger all around under her jaw
He will kiss her for a mother, a sister, or a brother
Till her father comes and kicks him from the door
Pulls a pistol from his pocket and vows he will cock it
And blow away his giddy brain
His duckie says he mustn't, tis unloaded and he doesn't
So they're kissing one another each again
For the old maids love it, the widows are above it
They've all got a finger in the pie
Some girls think it haughty as it is so very naughty
But you can bet their all a-kissing on the sly
When a girl is seventeen, she will think it rather mean
If she don't get on to something for a smash
She will pucker up her mouth with a pretty little pout
As she fumbles underneath the big moustache
She will make a fellow shrivel, she'll make him jump the river
And thick as close as granulated glue
You had better never tell her, you're some other girl's feller
She will masticate your smeller, if you do
If you want to kiss her neatly, kiss her sweetly and completely
If you want to kiss her social, kiss her twice
When you get a chance to kiss her, make a dodge or two and miss her
Then slap it on and kiss her once or twice
Hot Dog!
