Trauma / My Curse (feat. Sarah Cordova)

It was December 2005 I barely cried, 'til this day still not sure why Guess I was too young to realize The most un-fair-well of my life concluded without a goodbye It's hard to pinpoint exactly what I've lost 'Cause truth be told, it's probably something that I never had at all Despite your presence, but where were you during my adolescence? If you ashamed of what I became, this how I'll address it: Your lack of attendance went to the back of my mental Made me passive aggressive, unfit to battle the sentence Of a lifetime, not so sure 'bout where I'll go cause Times like these when I really needed your shoulder Now I'm straight losing control as I get older Still no trace of you in the home, that's why it's colder Poor connection, losing thy focus, you can't solder Back to the motherboard you burned through 'cause it's over The damage is done, I'm mannequin numb Couldn't you tell by my path now? I'm Anakin dumb Is this how I should be a man and confront Every bold piece to expose the place I'm taking damages from? Or will it backfire in the worst way possible And simply add on to my staircase of obstacles? Well they are not popping these thought bubbles They cut deep, and these wounds of mine, I promise they're not subtle This is just an additional little root Another sin I bear, don't be scared of the bitter truth 'Cause I know you can hear the despair of this fickle youth Listen dude, this was never intended to diss on you But no disrespect to my father, just thought that he would've sought to Be a better one considering later on he lost his Lost his mother too but I cannot stick up for you 'Cause you left my mother, now she hates herself because of you Never gonna love another man all because of you Never gonna see me as a friend all because of you Never gonna seek to understand all because of you And we'll never be the same again all because of you Why'd you leave? Swear to God, when you left it took a part of me And my mom, she don't really seem to fond of me Ain't her fault, she just sees what the trauma sees Including me This is my curse This is my curse Lord you've made my life worse Couldn't even fight first This is my curse This is my curse Lord you've made my life worse Couldn't even fight first For as long as I could remember, I knew this was More than just because, and what is up above But I'm still too young to confront for a solution So I succumb to my confusion I'm just built that way I guess I'll never change I'm just built that way I guess I'll never change I'm just built that way I guess I'll never change I'm just built that way I guess I'll never change Now tell me something Tell me what you running from cousin Is it cops by the dozen? Guess you're not bluffing It it hoes chasing gold that they're not touching? Bet that doesn't stop the hustle, stop the trouble Stop what's coming Nah, problems simply elevate I merely contemplate on how I wait to disengage I've grew impatient My patience wore thin 'cause I'm too comfortable in the skin I'm in I'm talking, no brand on my clothes again I'm saying, look at what they say again I wanted peace but these rooms and these elephants Like, why do I try to excel again? And watch me propel, amen Come-back for the come up weapons formed against Set-back from how it's setup I been warned intense And left me to my own demise, at my own expense Like, all this stress you just hold it in And all this drama you just try and prevent Ain't got no time to lie and resent Means and matter, throughout this chapter coming to ends I gotta try and repent I can't, do it alone I mean I can, I just can't do it alone I'm feeling new to the throne Feeling new to the throne I'm feeling new on my own