Constant Conflicts

I spent too much time erasing, not enough time changing Blurring the lines between sick and selfish Hoping I can grab on for just a second But I've learned to take what I can get And use the parts that makes sense And relent only when I meet my own death And find a pace I can circumvent When was truth less about proving a point and just proving someone wrong All along I'll rest my aching joints to my own broken hope and swan song But maybe I'm over worked because I like breaking the healing process as a comfort when I'm aching With this new perspective I'm finally taking I made this bed and I will sleep in it The comfort of your warm sheets will bring me to the further flames of hell I made this bed and I will sleep in it Even if our honesty is building peace into a bed of nails Death is not a choice and love should not be either I'll endure the pain if our hearts endure the weather The only pain worse than killing with force is killing with neglect I guess And now I know that our complacent love is completely dead I will complicate this love just to feel something And I'm sorry if it's clouded all the facts The rhythm of my heartbeat change in the moment that I realized you are not coming back I will complicate this love just to feel something And I'm sorry if it's clouded all the facts The rhythm of my heartbeat change in the moment that I conceptualize the words I masked I made this bed and I will sleep in it The comfort of your warm sheets will bring me to the further flames I would give up all I have just to go back home I dropped the breadcrumbs I hope you know I hate being alone You used to make my mind clear Now your absence does instead I heard your dog barking in the backyard He only does that when you're home And I just hope you understand I never meant to grow apart But I knew at some point I had to grow I guess I could've picked a better time to learn patience But now I'm learning that I am becoming the one who broke my heart I was a creature of habit but with no real intentions I conformed to what I understood to be happiness Or undiagnosed and self medicated approach to getting lost in each other's contemptment lead to a misconception of your beauty And I still can't believe that I lied to you Especially because when I said it I thought I was telling the truth I thought I was strong enough to carry you But now my mind is clear And I hope you hear this I love you